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Magazine
Excerpts - June ~ July 2006 |
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Geese
and Grieving
Lessons we can learn |
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I recently observed a formation
of geese flying overhead, and, as I watched them fly
in their formation, I came to realise that they have
lessons to teach us about grief.
The first lesson is in relation to the V formation
in which geese fly. By flying in a V formation,
an updraft is created of the bird immediately following,
and thus enables the whole flock to have at least 71%
greater flying range than if each bird flew alone.
When we are grieving, we don’t have to handle
our grief alone.
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By allowing others to help us, we can handle
our grief experience a little easier, knowing that others
understand the pain of out loss. It helps normalise the
experience.
The second lesson geese teach us about grief,
is that when a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly
feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone
and quickly gets back into formation.
Knowing that we are not the only ones dealing with grief
can help us find a sense of understanding and support.
The burden of trying to go it alone can be overwhelming.
In addition to allowing family and friends to help us,
there are support groups that can help us find strength
for the journey of grief.
The third lesson the geese teach us relates to sharing
responsibilities. When the head goose gets tired, it rotates
back in the wing and another goose flies as the point.
Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to
keep up their speed. Sometimes, we need to step back and
allow others to help us with our responsibilities. Grief
work is hard work, and sometimes we have to let go of
things in order to deal with our grief. Sometimes we may
feel like we are alone in our grief, but when we listen
closely, we may be able to hear the support of others
who want to help, if we allow them.
The last lesson we can learn is that, when a goose gets
sick or is wounded and falls out of formation, two other
geese will fall out with that goose and follow it down
to lend help and protection.
We need to offer that type of support to those who are
grieving with the death of a loved one. Be concrete with
offers of help rather than, ‘Call if you need anything.’
Offer assistance with yard work, banking, cleaning, meals,
etc. Don’t be afraid to be with those who are grieving;
they need our support. It is during this time that we
need to stand by each other.
by Jan
TCF Cinn. Ohio, USA
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Just
Believe |
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I know your heart is heavy,
such a heavy load you bear.
You think that Sarah’s gone now,
but she’s with you everywhere....
just believe.
She’s still with you every morning
as you wake up from your sleep,
close beside you, never leaving,
gently wiping tears you weep...
just believe.
Watching over you as you stumble
heavy-hearted through your days,
she’s the kindness shown by strangers,
she’s the hope that lights your way...
just believe.
As you venture forth without her,
working hard to honour her,
making sure that she’s remembered,
she’s the force that drives you there...
just believe.
She knows that some day, some time,
you will come to understand
that in those moments when you need her,
she is always close at hand,
there beside you, gently guiding,
quietly showing you the way,
always with you, never leaving,
in your heart, she’s there to stay...
just believe.
Sue
Mother of Katie and Sarah
TCF, ONTARIO, CANADA
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We
do not come to remain whole.
We come to lose our leaves like trees,
the trees that are broken,
and start again, drawing
up from great roots. by
Robert Bly
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Journey
Of My Grief
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I
cannot write my name or concentrate at all,
and you don’t ever hear me, when your name I
call.
Will I even bother to get out of bed?
My head it aches, my heart is broken, my eyes swollen
and red.
It seems that nothing matters, now my life is such
a mess;
depression, grief and fear and such a lot of stress.
I am like a caterpillar wrapped in my cocoon.
People say I have to change and emerge from it real
soon.
They don’t understand the pain that I am going
through.
I wonder it they really care, or if their child
died, just what they would do.
Now there’s just a memory when I lived each
day in fear,
when every day was dark and bare and all just seemed
so drear.
My cocoon began to split one day when a hand reached
out to mine.
They didn’t even say a word, just sat for
a long time.
I felt a ray of sunshine penetrate deep into my
heart;
this was a new beginning - different, but a brand
new start.
I couldn’t go back to the way I was before
my daughter died.
I was no longer the person that I was before the
roller-coaster ride.
My emotions had gone up and down, into my world
I retreated.
I thank the Lord my God, whose grace and mercy I
received.
I felt a laugh welling up inside, it came right
from my toes.
It tickled and felt funny - I hadn’t laughed
for a long time - I suppose.
I was free at least of the bonds that held me and
made my world so black.
I was like a butterfly and to the caterpillar I
did not want to go back.
I still have times of sadness, but now they’re
very few,
I see all the beauty as each day brings something
new.
The pain of losing my daughter lives forever in
my heart,
but the joy of her living and her love, in my life
will always be a part.
You may be a caterpillar living in your cocoon.
Look forward to the day when you emerge.
I hope it will be soon.
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Susan
TCF Vic. Au.
Susan and Barry are the bereaved
parents of Kirsty who died, 21 Nov ‘ 98
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